Friday Fun Stuff | Bringing You a Laugh at the End of the Week

Rodney Dangerfield Gets Pulled Over by Jamie Foxx (1993)

Learning How to Ride a Bike By Big Train

Computer Pranks

1. THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document that comes out of it.

2. FAKE MOUSE: a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. As the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter “yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs.”

3. AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.

4. TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone’s computer, whispers “psst! Hey Bob!” at random intervals.

5. SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.

6. RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what the user is doing at the time.

7. TRACER: This program will generate messages such as “you have been traced trying to hack into the Pentagon’s secret files. The SWAT team has been dispatched and will arrive shortly. They have been advised to shoot to kill.” while the person is working.

8. COPUTER BOMB: Fake computer bomb. When the victim turns his computer on, his screen will be filled with the message: “WARNING computer bomb has been detected in system. It will be activated in ten seconds. Please enter deactivation code.” After ten seconds the computer will turn itself off and refuse to come on again until the next day.

9. CD LASER: This is just like an ordinary CD-ROM except in one respect. Its laser is higher powered, so when the computer reads the CD it erases all the information from it.

10. WINDOWS 11: This is the most evil one yet. It has random and insensible error messages, it has no storage system, it is impossible to understand, and is generally a complete disaster. In short, it is no different from the real thing.

A Senior’s Version of FACEBOOK

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists:
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town. Having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them “thumbs up” and tell them I “like” them. And it works just like Facebook.

I already have 4 people following me: 2 police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist.

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

That’s The Lowest Price I Can Give You

An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the sales- man had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

“I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the man. “Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.”

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grin-ning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price.
“See you later, grandpa.”

Never mess with the elderly!

Things Men Do That Upset Women:

1. Lie.
2. Be honest.
3. Not talk.
4. Talk too much.
5. Not show emotions.
6. Be too emotional.
7. Breathe.

That’s A Good Way To Know

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, “No way, buddy, you’re too drunk.”

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in through the bathroom.

Again he slurs, “Give me a drink,” and the bartender says, “No, man, I told you last time, you’re too drunk”

Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, “You’re too drunk”

The drunk scratches his head and says “Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing.”

Things You Will Never Hear Women Say

7. What do you mean today’s our anniversary?
6. Can we NOT talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.
5. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don’t care if it’s on sale; $300 is way too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!

What Do I Have Again?

I told you that I do not have Alzheimer’s.

I have “Some-timers”

As in sometimes I remember and sometimes’ don’t!!

Love This Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it…

Don’t waste time on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart does not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit, so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer, also made of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body’s, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How is getting more vegetables bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

Who Has Who In It?

Woman has man in it.
Mrs has Mr in it.
Female has male in it.
She has He in it.
Madam has Adam in it.
Ever noticed how all women’s problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnecologist … & when we have REAL trouble, it’s a HISterectomy!
But just remember, when we can’t take it anymore it’s CALLED MANslaughter.

To Hell With The Bible, Just Use This Book